balance. it's so hard to achieve.

either i'm super busy and i'm full of energy, or i have nothing to do and i just bum around.

i was telling my roommate yesterday how it's funny that the busier i am, the more projects i pick up... i know that sounds like it's exactly the same thing, but it's not. a few years back when i was taking classes for my M.Ed., it was my first year of teaching, and i was extremely busy. i still had to take classes at ucr from 4-7 or 7-10 sometimes, and on top of that, i found time to go out with my cousins, cook dinner on wednesday nights, and also go to gym night for 4 hours at a time!

the years following that busy schedule, i had absolutely nothing to do after work. in that time, i would come home and nap and then bum around... i don't know what i did in that time.

now that i'm back in school, i'm taking 3 classes (10 units) right now. i'm at cal state 4 hours a day 2x a week, and on the days i don't go there, i feel like i've been gifted an extra 4 hours in my day that my time is free - so i had been working out in that time, but i still had some extra time. so, on top of that, i picked up some personal projects at home as well. and still i have a lot of time that i don't know what to do with! no more napping for me!

the thing is, i talked about balance a few posts ago. there still are times during the day when i feel like i don't have anything to do, and i'll call my friends up and they just want to stay home because they don't have the energy that i do. but i've noticed that there are times i won't go to sleep at night cuz i'm so busy with all that i'm doing. i want to make sure that i keep it balanced - keeping God important in my life, and still have time to develop the talents that He's blessed me with.

happy earth day!

some (not so random) thoughts....

happy birthday, you!

some of my favorite memories of earth day are of getting free ice cream at ben & jerry's while i was in high school.

i also have pictures of one year... and i don't remember what we were doing but somehow i ended up at with a friend at another friend's house looking at his aquarium. weird.

i miss free ice cream.

i miss my friend.

i miss being active. it's only been 5 days since my surgery but i still miss my activities. when can i start volleyballing again? or rock climbing? or swimming? -sigh-

a few months ago, if you had asked me what i would be doing right now, my answer would have been totally different from what really happened today. i actually like how today panned out, even if it is different than anything i would have thought of.

i am wondering how to achieve balance.

in my Bible readings i've been wondering how to take what God gives me and 'invest' in it and use my talents without letting that become a distraction between me and God. i think i want to apply that to all aspects of my life - let Him bless me and help me flourish in my endeavors but not ever lose sight of Him.

so yeah, balance. in all aspects of life.

gnite, y'all, and God bless you!

hindsight is 20/20

it's amazing what you can figure out after the fact...

such as who will be there for you no matter what! currently, to me, that's measured by who came and visited me, texted me, and wished me well on my day of ankle surgery. i have a great group of friends who checked in on me throughout the day to make sure i'm doing well. and it's funny to me that some people that i considered close friends didn't acknowledge my surgery at all, while some people who don't hold that title made sure to check in on me several times. it's sorta not what i expected, but that's ok, i'm just thankful for all the people who were there for me.

thank you especially to all of you who brought me some food =) thai food always rocks, you can never go wrong with inviting me to maria's, and cooking me a meal from my fridge meant i didn't have to stand up to eat! you rock, peoples!

some goals

since my blog is about living and learning, i thought i'd list some of the stuff i'd like to learn this year:

i want to be more aware. mostly, just aware of how other people perceive the world. i mean, i think that i see the world through different eyes than most people. my actions can sometimes be misunderstood... they have been alot, actually. but if i understand how other people think, then i think it'll be easier to 'live in their world', and have less misunderstanding between the both of us.

i want to learn how to do a reverse lay-up. i guess that means i should also brush up on my regular lay-ups.

i'm having ankle surgery tomorrow. this means i'm not gonna be able to do as much physical activity as i'd like to. however, it gives me a chance to work on my swimming skills!

by the end of this year, i will have invested in something. some stock, some mutual fund, or whatever i have researched to be the most appropriate investment for me.

there's a few more, but i can't think of them right now...

oooh... today's one-year Bible reading brought up a couple of things.

OT - talked about the children of Israel crossing the jordan to go take jericho. it reminded me of a really good sermon about jericho i once heard...

NT - Luke 14:33 "So you cannot become my disciple without giving up everything you own." i have to keep on keeping God as the most important thing in my life... no one else, not even myself, should get in the way.

and now i'm headed off to church. i think i've talked about in the past how i've always had a roommate to go with and that made it comfortable for me... even in LA i feel comfortable in my roommate's church to invite other people to potluck, etc. but now it's just me in my 'home church' and i still want to go. this time, my journey is for me. for me and God. not cuz of obligations, not cuz of guilt, but just to keep on pursuing a relationship with God. i looked back on old blog posts, some of them, even 2-3 years ago this month, chronicle my struggle with the church. this has been a long ongoing process... i didn't quite see the point of it then, but i wanted to learn more... i think i see a different reason to go now. anyways, looking at where i was 3 years ago, i'm hoping that there's continued growth in me.

i hope i can also one day look back at this post and remember where i was at, because if i don't write it down then it'll be hard remember the struggles i went through.

i can admit that i don't know what's best for me, and i'm trying to trust that God's plan is far better than anything i could have hoped for...

but trying to let go of my hopes and dreams is bittersweet... i've thought i wanted something for approximately 7 years, and now i'm supposed to -try- to not want it anymore. logically, i know that it's not right for me, and i have accepted that on one level. but extinguishing the hope that's lived in me for the past 7 years... that's a really hard thing to do! while part of me can't wait for it to happen, the other part of me wants to keep on hoping that the situation would change so that it is beneficial for me... hahaha, i guess what i'm saying is that i don't want to let go of my hope because i hope that it will come true. which is ridiculous.

is this what they mean by surrendering everything to God? to not hold onto my own goals, but to simply trust that God will show me His plan in His time. and that's probably best, that He doesn't show me the next plan for my life until i'm ready to walk down that road. i have so much growing to do before i'm ready again... and if i know what the plan is for my life ahead of time i might try to make it happen before i'm ready, which i know would be disastrous. so i guess i just need patience?

i guess that's why my prayers aren't specific anymore, i just keep on praying for God's presence to be known, in everyone's lives, and for His blessings to be showered on everyone. it's all that i'm certain i can ask for.