i can admit that i don't know what's best for me, and i'm trying to trust that God's plan is far better than anything i could have hoped for...

but trying to let go of my hopes and dreams is bittersweet... i've thought i wanted something for approximately 7 years, and now i'm supposed to -try- to not want it anymore. logically, i know that it's not right for me, and i have accepted that on one level. but extinguishing the hope that's lived in me for the past 7 years... that's a really hard thing to do! while part of me can't wait for it to happen, the other part of me wants to keep on hoping that the situation would change so that it is beneficial for me... hahaha, i guess what i'm saying is that i don't want to let go of my hope because i hope that it will come true. which is ridiculous.

is this what they mean by surrendering everything to God? to not hold onto my own goals, but to simply trust that God will show me His plan in His time. and that's probably best, that He doesn't show me the next plan for my life until i'm ready to walk down that road. i have so much growing to do before i'm ready again... and if i know what the plan is for my life ahead of time i might try to make it happen before i'm ready, which i know would be disastrous. so i guess i just need patience?

i guess that's why my prayers aren't specific anymore, i just keep on praying for God's presence to be known, in everyone's lives, and for His blessings to be showered on everyone. it's all that i'm certain i can ask for.